AWWWW Crap!

Crap weekend. Started off okay, but went to hell in a handbasket.
My husband and I shared a bottle of wine after we put the kids to bed on Friday. It is so strange how very rarely we hang out together. Normally when the kids are down, my hubby spends some time on the net, I get ready for bed and then read or watch tv in bed. Sometimes he makes it up there before I go to sleep. Usually then he reads and/or watches the news. Sometimes (often) I am out before he makes it to bed. If we are in bed at the same time we are involved in totally separate activites. Sort of dissociated from one another. So I really liked hanging out and joking around and drinking a little. Was nice.

Then on Sat. he had a bad day, he has the habit of taking it out on me when he's in a shitty mood. I cannot help but let that ruin my mood. So he took some meds and went to bed before 9 on Saturday. I stayed up, surfed a little bit, read, then watched some tv. When I turned off the tube, I couldn't fall asleep cause I was in such a stressed out pissy mood. I mean I feel bad when his day goes all wrong, but he doesn't acknowledge that I cooked him a nice dinner and he barely responds when I speak to him. Not cool if you ask me.

I feel so forsaken. So unappreciated. I try to remind myself that he needs to be left alone in his cage when he is this way (and that is what I did), but he is nice to the kids, and the dogs, and makes me feel like I am the source of his stress/anger. I know it isn't intended to be that way, but that's how it feels from here. Totally sucks. He's been a little bit normal today, but not too great. I went shopping... alone... at the Mall (a place I rarely go). I spent the money from a gift I had returned, then spent a little more. Believe it or not, that hardly even perked me up! Geez.

Sometimes I think I am clinically depressed, and then I think about all the things that get me down and I feel like hopefully I am normal, and just have a few legitimate reasons to get down in the dumps. Can't wait for saturday next week. Going dancing with my girls. I am so lucky to have so many really wonderful, warm, fun girlfriends. And guy friends too. Where the hell would I be without them?